IN LIFE GOD WILL GIVE YOU A REASON TO LIVE.

2006-04-10T14:37:00.000-07:00

MY ONE PHONE CALL

WILL BE TO MY

PSYCHIATRIST...........

WHEN I KILL HIM

This weekend my man decided that he wanted to hang out with his boy’s. FINE…..my problem is his boys are nice enough but there are habits that leave much to be desired. At first glance you would think that they are respectable young men, which they are interms of their manners, they have the please and thanks you's down, but that’s it. My problem with them is that they are womanizing motherf***ers. And that’s putting it nicely.

One of his friends got a girl pregnant one week after he got married…….YEAH.

Another one has a wife and kids in Trinidad and has his mistress (one of them), here in the us. Now she is pregnant (the mistress) and he is talking about holding a small shower……ASSH***E. Mind you he is getting ready to go home to visit his family…….UGHHHHHH

Then there is Kesnel………now he is tooo damn old to be doing the shit he is doing. He’s a WORLD WIDE HOE…….he has them of every race, creed, color, weave, country, culture……..the list goes on and on. And he’s married with two kids....that I know off and have met........or makes claim tooo. No scratch that three that he claims....i don't know that's for he and his baby mothers to keep track off.

The one I hate the most as if the others weren’t bad enough…….is Dexter. Now Dexter and my husband grew up together and are best friends. When Dexter moved to the US he persuaded my husband to do the same…….which I have something to thank him for, but I digress, and we live in his mothers basement…..we rent. Anyway Dexter is a DOG……ruff/with fleas. He was living the double life, between Trinidad and the US. He proposed to his now wife while a girl was pregnant with his child…..got married and still cheated like nothing was wrong. CASE IN POINT…..when his wife first got here she did baby sitting, so what did Dexter do.... he brought his hoe’s daughter for her to baby-sit, while he was messing with the girl….and the money the hoe was paying his wife with was probably the money that she(Dexter’s wife) gave him which he then gave to the hoe to pay his wife….so in essence she was working for ……..her own money. IF THAT’S NOT MESSED UP THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I love my husband but sometimes he can get into one of those idiotic frame of minds where he envy’s his boys…….he would say stuff like……yeah well Dexter wife has to know what he’s doing and she still stays by her man’s side so why do I have to do house work while my boys are playin……

LETS TAKE A MOMENT TO LET THAT SINK IN SHALL WE...........WHAT THE mailto:F**&#$#@f%*^$#@% WAS HE THINKING.

OK MY COMPOSURE IS BACK:

To which I would reply: Honey I love you like no other woman will and I will support any decision you make and if that’s what you want then go for it………BUT….WHEN YOU COME BACK I’LL BE LONG GONE.
Cause my name is K****** and I don’t intend to share my man with no one and don’t even think about comparing me to those idiots cause if they don’t value their lives and or family as I do then………I will not allow you to come in and out of here and me just like that ……..

Now come on........ every time he gets into one of these moods, I know that one of those womanizing a**h***s have been trying to talk him into doing what they are doing and if that’s the case I can’t feel comfortable with him going out with them. And he doesn’t understand that it’s not that I’m trying to keep him in the house but rather he needs to change his friends. I mean how can you be the ‘good’ boy amounts a lot of idiot’s, and assh***s. They’re bound to corrupt him and I hate that.

Anyway hit me back ya’ll…..have you ever been in a situation where you’re man was hanging with the wrong crew.

If so how exactly do you handle that……….

2006-04-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

LIKE A KID IN A CANDY STORE

Well....i'm sooooo excited cause i think this is it. I saw a property and i've prayed...i even DRAGGED MY HUSBAND CAVE MAN STYLE to church. I really think this is it ya'll. I feel good on the inside just knowing that i can spread my stuff out. We've been living in......i don't even know. The apartment has been out growed, to the point that when we move i'm going to have to pick up my stuff from three different apartments. lol

Another GREAT THING IS............................I'M GOING HOME FOR SNOOKY'S BIRTHDAY. I really wanted to go but since we were buying a house and putting out all this money, i....well we didn't see it in the cards. But this weekend my honney surprised the heck out of me buy giving me a check for the ticket and everything. He was like well i know that u miss snooky and i do too and yes it's going to be tight but i've been saving this aside cause i figured we wouldn't be in the house b4 his birthday and at least one of us should be there for his first birthday. I LOVE THIS MAN YA'LL................

I've been going crazy ever since. I've called everyone short of the president. I wanna burst..............OH. I'm sooooo excited. But i'm soo scared too. I know that it's going to take some time for him to adjust to me cause it's been six long, agonizing months. And he's only turning ONE so i've missed out on alot somewhat. I mean i talk to him everyday, and i see him on the webcam once a week along with the weekly pics that they send me. But nothing compares to having him close to snuggle with, to kiss and to sing too. So, i'm preparing for the rejection that he's going to give but THAT'S MY BABY...............................

I'M BAWL MY EYES OUT..........I KNOW ME (PREPARED TO OR NOT)

I just can't wait to hold him close...........i just keep thinking of it. oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh
If that wasn't stressful enough, i'll be meeting my inlaws for the first time,(short of my mother inlaw whom i've met....she took my son to trinidad and he is tremendously attached too her now) So i've been very neverous about that. I talk to them on the phone and we get along........but that does not say much. My mother in law does not like me but we tolerate each other for the sake of my husband and son. See my husband is East Indian and i'm off African decent but we're both from trinidad. The cultural differences has been a strain in my marrage but we have since out grown that.......MY HUSBAND AND I..........but his family is old fashioned and i believe they still harbor taughts of him marring differently. Now i'm very outspoken and i don't take s**** FROM NOBODY..........i married my husband not his family and i don't particularly care for anyone else. THAT'S JUST ME. So by me knowing this it has made me a bit weary and uncomfortable about meeting them. Now like i said we talk on the phone and it's all good. And my husband has told them straight..........IT IS NOT FOR U ALL TO CHOOSE WHOM I FALL IN LOVE WITH, BUT IT IS UP TO ME TO CHOOSE WHOM I'LL MAKE MY FAMILY WITH SO IF U ALL WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT U HAVE TO RESPECT MY CHOICE AND MY WIFE.

Yeah he handled that..........But it just doesn't change the fact that they didn't like me. And for what..... they've never even met me. While my husband and i were still dating my mother told me that he is very nice but it's not going to be an easy road with the many difference between us. And i accepted what she said and still i chose to fall in love with him. Now in the earlier part of us dating my NOW mother-in-law pulled me to the side, upon our first meeting and told me.......YOUR A NICE GIRL AND I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST U BUT I WANT MY SON TO MARRY AN INDIAN GIRL. WTF.......

Now that hurt........there are no words that can.....i was crushed and i forgave her. But the scar never left. And believe me she did everything in her power to break us up. But LOVE IS A POWERFUL THING AND WE SURVIVED. And for the better i mean look at my snooky.

I don't care what they think of me and who likes or dislikes me when i get there. I'm going for 1week and it's all about my son, so as long as they don't ruin my sons party or the time that i have with him. Then peace be to them........i mean peace cause if they do then I WILL GIVE THEM A REASON NOT TO LIKE ME. AS MY DECEASED GRANDMOTHER TOLD ME..........Be a lady at all times, take pride in who i am, never instigate a confrontation.............but damn sure be the one to finish it.

So to u all in blog world. Hit me back and let me know what's good.

2006-03-30T13:38:00.000-08:00

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL....GAY - STRAIGHT - WHAT THE HELL LETS JUST F*** THEM ALL.

Earlier today i was talking to a gay friend of mine about someone who works with us. Now this guy is very feminine in his actions and i (all the wrong for assuming) taught he was GAY. I later found out that he was straight in terms of being married and i was pretty shocked considering his appearence and as i said his actions. (I did not act on my being surprised i just said ok and we continued to conversate). Anyway later today for all intense and perposess we'll call my female gay friend by her blog name, Baby Oprah.....well she wrote on her blog about viewing BET and the topic being "MEN ON THE DOWNLOW" Well she was somewhat upset........this is a quote from her blog......

"Now, don’t get me wrong, I completely agree with J.L.’s thoughts as far as using the book to open up a dialog between Men, Women and the whole world about men who live the other halves of their life in secret and try to ignore there true feeling. With that being said, I do disagree with the way that some people took it. The people that I like to call “Straight and in denial” took it as a confession of guilt of some sort…a look into the deep, dark serge of homosexual and their disregard for the health and safety of everyone else. “Damn it all as long as I bust a nut.”

On that note i'm sooooooooooo in aggreance with her.....I mean i thank God everyday that i have a man that i'm married too and know which side of the fence he wants to live on. Lets leave the "Wisteria Lane.....Queer Eye for the Straight Guy/Yong and Restless for the BIG SCREEN!" Shall we..........I mean Why are men trying to have their cakes and eat it...........and i do use the word MEN...loosely......cause women who are exploring thier sexuality on the DL are in the same boat. If ur interested in exploring the many sexual choices and bodies out there then be honest and say just that.........why leave us in the DARK.......having to guess what a persons orientation is or would be. As i said ealier i was sooooooooooooooo wrong by my gudgement of our co-worker (not that i should be gudging or that i do........really i don't) but there are times when i would just like to know what a man is...........

Now for the single women and men out there i do feel sorry for u all cause the few times that i went out with my girls and i LOOKED (which is fine ...........window shopping is perfectly legal in marrage) i was concerned as were my girlfriend....we were all like oh he is cute, but then another one would say......yeah but i think he is gay.......and then the arguement would begin. Now that is toooooooooo much damn work. And the thing is:

1) YOU CANNOT GO UP TO A GUY AND ASK HIM......ARE U GAY? THAT IS INSULTING

2) YOU DON'T WANT TO BE FLIRTING WITH A GUY WHO IS POSSIBLY GAY........CAUSE ALL THAT WORK WILL LEAD TO NO PLAY

3) NO WOMAN WANTS TO BE INVOLVED WITH A MAN WHO IS ON THE DOWNLOW

Honestly i don't want to even fathom what a woman would feel LIKE having a bomb like that exploded on them. I would be LOCKED UP THEY WONT LET ME OUT.........OK

That is the kind of thing that would make a sista pull a Lorraine Bobbit..... and i am crazy like that ya'll. The whole point of this is that i want(scrach that) i need men and women alike to have the guts to say what their sexual orientations are. Now to be fair there are men and women out there who are honest with themselves and their partners and that is COOL.........but for the many out there who are (in the WestIndian slang.....PLAYIN D A**) CHECK UR SELVES.

In today's society where Aids is rampant there is no reason to be playing with urself or the the lives of others. And these are the self proclaimed christians.......come on

As my blog says.....IN LIFE GOD GIVES U A REASON TO LIVE...........the question is do u want to live and give others a fair chance to as well??????????

DR JEKLE AND MY HYDE

2006-03-16T08:58:00.000-08:00

They say that in life the things that don't break you will only make u stronger????

Is that necessarily true?

I married that man that i believe was and IS the man for me. Like ALL people he has his mood swings, but there are times when LORD KNOWS I DON'T KNOW.............I JUST DON'T KNOW
!!!!

For instance: the other day i was have a tough one, ya'll and he read me like a book. I was stressed out from trying to find a house and having my snooky (baby boy) away from us for the reason of not having the time to properly care for him while house hunting.
I was emotional drained and physically i coult give no more. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE!

Anyway I came home and my boo had the bathtube all ready to go, he gave me a kiss and told me to get undressed (yes its PG13) put my robe on and kick back until the water had be run. MAN WORDS COULD NOT EXPLAIN HOW GOOD THAT BATH FELT. He gave me a massage and i was out........like that the girl in the 'nightquil commercial with the room mate...u know the slogans you'll sleep like...' OUHHHHH.

I woke up roaring to go. But................... here comes mr hyde.

The next day i don't know what the hell happened. He just flipped the script. I came home got dinner ready and before i know it the KNOT IN MY NECK AND SHOULDERS WWWWAAAASSSSSS BBBBAAACCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!
The moment we started arguing and what are we arguing about.........i'd be damned if i know how it even started. And no he did not have a bad day.... cause i spoke to him like minutes before he came in. We were cordial and every thing when we came in, we laughed and them WAMB.

I sware men have menstraual cycles just like women. I know that finding a house is stressful enoough cause i'm hating it like a MOTHERf***k**. But, this is the kind of things that drive me crazy. He says this is what i want and then it really isn't. If it were up to me we would be a house by know he is soooooooooo picky. I know that it's our first house and all but come on.

Plus i know that he misses SNOOKY and i do too but men NEVER want to open up and talk. They take it out in other forms and it drives me crazy. I try talking to him and getting him to open up and just conversate at the very least say whatever and the rest will flow. But to no avail. we talk but i do wish that we did talk a LOT MORE in our marriage i literally have to dragg words out of his mouth. WHY.

WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH JUST TALKING WITH UR WIFE!!!!!!!!!

They they say that we are never there for them. How........nigga. ( forgive me but there is no other way to say that)

Short of putting u under some kinda drug, why can't we have a grown up conversation and if we do why do they have to turn everything GROWN UP into child play. I sometimes wonder if i married a child. Its frustrating trying to have an adult conversation when the other party is clowning around. GOD!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway.........i think i've vented enough today anyway.

Hit me back ya'll and let me know what's good.

Much love

DEAR DIARY

2006-03-14T09:42:00.000-08:00

I AM SO F....ING TIRED OF HAVING TO BE NICE!!!!

Did u ever just want to shout out loud. To wear want you want without having to be judged. I hate people. I do!! Most often anyway. I'm sooooooooo tired. Really, life is to short to not be happy. I just wanna be happy. Is that toooooooooooooooooooo much to ask for, i think not.